"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
“Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But life looks different through every one's eyes
Two of the most unbelievable nouns used: Love and Death. How many times in history were these two nouns used together. Shakespeare used these two words often in his plays and poems. Many people discuss and mention love, but seldom discuss death or death and dying. Unfortunately it is part of my life, both personally and professionally. The question is ' what if...? No one is prepared for the unexpected. I can even go so far to say that no one is prepared for the expected either when death is imminent .
Most people tend to have a mindset that death will never happen to them and their life is invincible. These people refuse to prepare their loved ones for their death. One man prepared millions for his death in a lecture and then in a book.
On September 18, 2007, computer science professor Randy Pausch stepped in front of an audience of 400 people at Carnegie Mellon University to deliver a last lecture called “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams.” With slides of his CT scans beaming out to the audience, Randy told his audience about the cancer that is devouring his body and that will claim his life in a matter of months. On the stage that day, Randy was youthful, energetic, handsome, often cheerfully, darkly funny. He seemed invincible. But this was a brief moment, as he himself acknowledged. Randy’s lecture has become a phenomenon, as has the book he wrote based on the same principles, celebrating the dreams we all strive to make realities.The book is called The Last Lecture.
Sadly, Randy lost his battle to cancer on July 25th, 2008, but his legacy will continue to inspire us all, for generations to come. His words must be read by anyone who has experienced death of a loved one. His book should be part of a medical school curriculum despite the current lectures on Death and Dying. The first time a doctor experiences death of a patient he/she cared for either during their 4th year, internship and even private practice , their life in this profession changes forever.
Death is devastating for some, and yet for others a relief that their loved one will no longer suffer. Personally, I was relieved when my dad passed on, as he suffered at the end of his life. He made the decision to make his final days comfortable. That was a comfort to me.
Physicians or healers whom have lost loved ones may be devastated but it is probable that these healers have experienced death of patients in the past. It is not the same, but somehow for me death has 'changed me' In the same respect that assisting in the birth of a child changed me. I wAs fortunate enough to deliver more than 100 babies during my medical school years in England.
Once I heard a woman tell a story in a 12 step meeting of the loss of her daughter. I politely after the meeting talked to her. I said I am so sorry and I sympathize with her. She quickly responded and looked stern, as she said, " Why do you feel sorry, have you lost a child." My stomach contents felt as if they were in my throat. I thought about what she said and walked away frozen. She was right. How could I sympathize or relate to the loss of a child--I have never lost a child. I could relate to the loss of a mother at a young age, and more recently a father, but never a child. I learned a good lesson that day. I am eternally grateful to that woman. I have never said that to her, but I think about it often. Today is my amends for that October day.
As much as I love my GOD chosen profession, I never like the thought of telling a patient that they have the big C. In Neil Simon's Lost in Yonkers, the hush C word is whispered. The big C is not always a death sentence. I have known many patients that the big C did not take their life. Some are still living today with love, hope, and compassion exuding from their body pores. I know it depends on the mental state and positive attitude of the patient. I always try to the best of my ability to have a positive attitude. I give boosts and shots of E and L - encouragement and life.
There have many times that I was there when someone took their final breath. I cannot be there all the time but I do try. I wasn't there when my own father took his last breath. It did bother me at first but I have accepted the reality. I was there in times of need when he was alive. As it states above,..but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
Memories are so important. One morning I woke up in a panic. I couldn't remember what my mother looked like. She has been deceased for nearly 29 years. I didn't have a photograph of her in the apartment. With Rick by my side, we started to look for photographs. I knew I had a box of photographs under the bed. Rick who never met my mother found a photograph in the box. I clutched the photograph. I still had my memories, but I needed to see the photograph. He framed the photograph and it sits in the den. I never have to worry or panic. Her photograph is always there. I always knew her spirit is always with me.
Until tomorrow...
Photo Credit: Rick Byrd of Brooklyn Museum of Art Exhibition
Ron Mueck. [11/03/2006 - 02/04/2007].
These larger than life wax figures were absoluetly the most detailed study of the human being I have ever seen. It was a day with friends Carol and Aldo after touring the Annie Lebowitz Photography Exhbit.
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