JULY 21, 2010 Mom's Birthday

JULY 21, 2010



"Do not let the grass grow too high before you speak your mind."
--Vincenza (Vincetta,Vinnie) Calamis Fratellone


Letting go of the past. This has always been a very difficult task for me. It has taken many prayers and a great deal of meditation time to understand how to do this. I do believe that God has a birth date and a death date for each of us. It is not a religious belief. I also believe that some people know when there time is near.

On June 1, 1982 my mother had all of her bank/security boxes changed. On June 3rd and June 4, 1982 she went to the St John's emergency room with a severe headache. Both times she was told it was a migraine and given medication. On the night of June 5, she was to attend an event with my father for the Knights of Columbus. She changed her mind at the last minute and asked me to go in her place. Minutes later she wanted me to stay home and give her a cup of tea.

Simultaneously as my father was heading out the door and I was bringing her the tea, she screamed , grabbed her head and her eyes rolled back. Father and son start CPR. Embarrassment from a son's point of view yet he was a medical student. 911 is called. It seems like hours before they arrive, although I am sure is was sooner. I cannot recall. My mother is in ICU on a ventilator with no brain function. It was not heart related, but a bleed in the brain (subarachnoid hemorrhage). Prognosis grim. My father is asked to consider disconnecting respirator which is done on June 10, 1982. My mother is gone.

It seems that this could not be real. But it was. As some of you read this you might have similar stories. Similar circumstances happened to her brother only four years earlier.

How do I let the events go? For years those events haunted me. Did I do something wrong? Were my compressions not enough? Did my father do the correct breaths? It was a nightmare for years. I felt 'less than'. I drank my sorrows for years.

Today I believe all happens for a reason. My mother participated in the planning of her life- the events, her family, the raising of her children et al. She did all this to work through issues. It was a lesson for me to learn. My past has not been an accident nor a mistake. It has been many life lessons. I embrace my past history (moments of perfection and imperfection) with love, anger, tears, and joy. I can also do the same for past love relationships. I can also do the same for my mistakes and for my tragedies. We all have been through this.

Do you think there is a coincidence that my 'new mom', Rick's mother Nancy was born on the same day as my birth mother? It is not a coincidence. It is God's way of telling me - all is alright.
I have always celebrated my mom's birthday since 1982. It used to be painful, but today I celebrate it with love. I also have Nancy's birthday to celebrate. Although born in different years, their astrological sign is the same, Cancer. Although a crab, both are not crabs. They are loving, compassionate, steadfast, creative individuals.

I know as I pray for mom, she is thanking me for being the man I have become. She smiles down with tears in her eyes. She sees the boy she raised. She is happy and I am happy for having known her for twenty years. Nancy is her physical replacement eyes. Nancy gets to see what mom cannot see physically.

God gave me other replacement moms until he put Nancy in my path. They too, are physically still here: Aunt Mary, Aunt MaryAnne, Aunt Susie and Barbara B. Each have played a vital role in getting me to where I am now.

For today, I will let go of guilt and fear of my past and present circumstances. I can now trust where I have been, where I am going and where I am at this moment.
Happy Birthday MOMS!

This is only the second time in this blog that traditional medicine is not discussed. Today's blog does relate to an aspect of healing, however: spirituality.

Until tomorrow...