What do friends and cotton swabs have in common? Maybe they are both fluffy. NOT
A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
Elbert Hubbard
A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.
Pam Brown
A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
These are some quotes I admire about friends. I love all three, but my favorite is quoted by someone you might not know. His name is Henri Nouwen. His books have always touched my heart. Here is the quote...
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."
Henri Nouwen
Through my life (now 50 years) friendships wax and wane. The cycles of friendship usually relate to your school years. How many of the friends from grammar school, middle school, high school, college and post graduate school do you still have contact with? Were they really friends or were they acquaintances? Due to classmates.com, my space, and facebook you may or may not have connected with old friends.
Most of us have tests or challenges with friends. I did not do well prior to recovery. I was a good friend to many, but I was always the person to call, write or give silly little presents as Pam Brown puts it. It was not always reciprocated. And I know now that it doesn't have to be. At that time in my life I had expectations of people in general. Today, I have no expectations. I send or call or give because I want to. Yes, because I WANT TO.
I do not expect anything in return. Friends should be a comfort. If there becomes too much drama with any particular friend, I re-evaluate that friendship and perhaps even distance myself for some length of time. Today I feel my selection of friends reflects where I am in my life today or what issues I might be working on. To and fro, back and forth or otherwise giving and receiving support (not material gifts--remember support is a gift) will help me and my friends grow as individuals.
I have some friendships that will last a lifetime. Some are old friendships, more than 15 years and some are new (within the last 2 years) but I know they will last a lifetime. There is always communication. Some old love relationships which I thought we were friends didn't turn out as I expected. See, there are those expectations again. I always gave in past love relationships and even in family relationships. I was the enabler I let it happen in the past. That was early in recovery.
I do have best friend. My best friend, Rick, happens also to be my life partner. This is a special love friendship that will endure the test of time.
I am sharing the lyrics to FRIENDSHIP - inspired by dinner with dear friends last evening.
Words and music by Cole Porter
from DuBarry Was a Lady
If you're ever in a jam, here I am
If you're ever in a mess, S-O-S
If you ever feel so happy, you land in jail; I'm your bail.
It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship.
When other friendships have been forgot,
Ours will still be hot.
Lah-dle-ah-dle-ah-dle dig, dig, dig.
If you're ever up a tree, phone to me.
If you're ever down a well, ring my bell.
If you ever lose your teeth, and you're out to dine; borrow mine.
It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship.
When other friendships have been forgate,
Ours will still be great.
Lah-dle-ah-dle-ah-dle, chuck, chuck, chuck.
If they ever black your eyes, put me wise.
If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose.
If they ever put a bullet through your brrain [sic]; I'll complain.
It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship.
When other friendships have been forgit,
Ours will still be it.
Lah-dle-ah-dle-ah-dle, hep, hep, hep.
Continuing with the Head, I want to move today from the mouth to the ears. Earwax, or cerumen is considered a nuisance. However the earwax is there to protect your ear canals by trapping dust, bacteria, and even tiny bugs to keep them out of your ears. Yet sometimes it doesn't move out and you get a fullness feeling. And you may even have problems hearing. Ear wax can also cause dizziness or an unsteadiness. More and more older people cannot hear. They get withdrawn and depressed. The simple solution is to have their ears checked and remove the wax.
Remember what the pediatrician told you when you were young:
1. Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.
2. Never use cotton swabs as these will push the wax further in.
Many will use Q tips and look at their wax-stained swab with pride and admiration of a job well done. Eventually, they will go too far and injure or rupture their eardrums. Q-tips are not unlike the plungers used to load cannon. They can pack softer wax deeply in the ear canal against the eardrum. By creating a formidable plug and preventing the eardrum from moving normally, it is quite easy to cause some significant hearing loss.
There is some great history about the Q tip.
In, 1923 upon observing his wife applying wads of cotton to toothpicks, Leo Gerstenzang, the original founder of the Q-tips® Company, conceived the idea of manufacturing a ready-to-use cotton swab. He found the Leo Gerstenzang Infant Novelty Co., a firm which marketed baby care accessories. The product was originally called Baby Gays and in 1926, the labels were changed to read Q-tips® Baby Gays. Can you imagine, they were called BABY GAYS. Later the name Baby Gays was discarded and Q-tips® became the identifying mark for cotton swabs.
The Q in Q-tips® stands for quality and the word tips describes the cotton swab at the end of the stick. In 1948, due to increased consumer demand, Q-tips®, Inc., moved its manufacturing facility from New York City to a new facility in Long Island City, New York.
Hollywood brought Baby Gays - Ooopps ....Q-tips® further into the mainstream when America's top Hollywood makeup artist, Ern Westmore, created the "Lesson in Loveliness with Q-tips®" booklet.
The use of a softening agent from the pharmacy to remove the wax is recommended. I tell patients to use the corner end of a soft washcloth. At the corner place a small amount of mineral oil and hydrogen peroxide. Dip the corner in the mixed solution. With the corner in hand, in a twisted motion , swab the inner ear. Day by day this loosens the wax. I do not like to recommend the bulb syringe as even if you use it gently, the gentle push of the water can cause discomfort and sometimes illicit dizziness.
A gentle note: Always dry the inside of your ears after swimming, showering or bathing.
Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen (Nouen), (Nijkerk, January 24, 1932 - Hilversum, September 21, 1996) was a Dutch-born Catholic priest and writer who authored 40 books on the spiritual life. Nouwen's books are widely read today by Protestants and Catholics alike. The Wounded Healer, In the Name of Jesus, Clowning in Rome, The Life of the Beloved and The Way of the Heart are just a few of the more widely recognized titles. After nearly two decades of teaching at the Menninger Foundation Clinic in Topeka, Kansas, and at the University of Notre Dame, Yale University and Harvard University, he went to share his life with mentally handicapped people at the L'Arche community of Daybreak in Toronto, Canada. His spirituality was influenced by many, notably by his friendship with Jean Vanier. After a long period of declining energy, which he chronicled in his final book, Sabbatical Journey, he died in September 1996 from a sudden heart attack.
"Today I will seek comfort in a friend. I will let myself experience of the comfort, joy, love and enduring qualities of my friendship."
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