JUNE 10, 2012 MY MOTHER'S ANNIVERSARY

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother. - Abraham Lincoln

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. - Washington Irving

I was 6 days shy of 22 years old when my mother died.  It is so long ago June 10, 1982-- 30 years ago. In actuality she was in a coma and respiratory dependent on June 5, 1982. My father had decided to disconnect life support on June 10. I felt nothing on my 22nd birthday. My mom was not there. Birthdays were always special in our home. To the best of my dad's ability he tried to cheer me up but it was a void that has never left my heart. I didn't have time for her to be my best friend. We did go to Westbury Music Fair to see Sergio Franchi/Pat Cooper on June 3rd. She did not feel that well that night. On the way home to Yonkers in my light green Grand Prix I told her about my sexuality. I didn't know how to say the word' gay' so I stated that I cross the double line when it comes to my sexuality. She understood and nothing further was spoken, except she said, " I will always love you no matter what and to make sure I was always happy." Both my parents attended my May 1982 college graduation. In retrospect my mother knew something would happen to her. Only days before her death she went to the local bank and changed the beneficiary on both her checking/savings and safety deposit box. How ironic ? Or was it.

If not for my father persistence I would have never started medical school in the summer of 1982. I was broken-hearted. I had a going away party in Lake Grove NY at the home of my Aunt Susie and Uncle Gep. It was a bitter sweet good bye. I knew my dad would be fine, but I was so sad for Nanny and Poppy as they had buried their children before them.  I have come to realize in years of practice that the loss of a child at any age is a burden on the parents. My father and 'my angel mother' attended my medical school graduation four years later at the United Nations.

I danced only a few steps with my Nanny at my first wedding but not to the traditional mother-son song of

'Mr Wonderful'   I chose Barry Manilow's " Can't Smile Without You." I recall she wore a blue dress and was sitting with her brothers/sisters in her wheelchair.  My father, brother and I braved it for my Nanny and Poppy. My Poppy became silent shedding tears while he cooked and gardened.  My grandmother lived for six more years, dying the year my daughter was born in 1988. Only my father and grandfather held both my son and daughter.

During these years I have had 'surrogate' mothers- Aunt Mary, Aunt MaryAnn , Barbara and Nancy. I truly know now that she would be proud of my accomplishments.  I tell her everything. Today, I am going to the cemetery as I have not been there in a long time.  With Rick by my side I will have lunch with her. There is so much to catch up on. Rick and I honored our parents, both living and deceased at our very spiritual wedding this February 11, 2012. I have a new sets of parents today, Fred and Nancy. It is not coincidental that Rick's mother, Nancy was born on the same day as my mother, July 21st.

My mother has always been with me during these years. She has been my guardian angel. She was my Higher Power along with the 12 step rooms when I first started sobriety in June 1994 as I didn't have a sponsor nor a spiritual practice at that time. Now as I pray and meditate daily, I can see my mother, Vincetta ( Vinnie ) as I close my eyes.

The photo above is the Needle point canvas I am finishing for my mother. She was a great crafter- sewing, stitchery and hobbies. She was a great card player- " May I," and loved Backgammon. She loved clowns She collected them for my brother. The watch in the canvas tells me that a son's love for his mother is endless. It knows NO time.  This clown upon opening his cloak is displaying my mother's charms from her charm bracelet. Charm bracelets were very popular in the 1940's - 1970's. I didn't know what to do with these charms. I knew I would never sell them. When finished, this clown will be framed with many memories to hang on our walls.

The top left photo is my mother on her wedding day; The top right photo is my mother at her communion or her brothers. My great aunt Katie is standing next to my mother (left), her brother Gaspar ( my uncle Sonny) and to his side is my great Uncle Mike. I know that this must be her communion as Aunt Katie was her godmother and Uncle Mike her godfather.

Until tomorrow....