" Human beings figure out somewhat more of their true direction, not by the high stars, but by stubbing their toes on things stuck in the mud they are slogging through." - Carolyn Gratton
I have stubbed my toes plenty in my years. Most of the toe stubbing was done when in the dark, deep in the mud with my character defects astray. It took some years to get out of the mud. When I emerged I wasn't that pretty monarch butterfly I had hoped. I emerged in the same month as my birth month - June . It was not the same year as my birth month --I emerged in 1994. At the beginning of the year, actually the first day of the first month I attended a wake/funeral of my beloved Uncle Joe.
I had to practice true humility. I had to strip away the false notions about myself and the situations I woudl face in order to deal with what is real. During these lost 18 years I suffered many losses. It has taken great strengths, lots of meetings, and discussions with my sponsor(s) to get where I am today.
I had to be simple. I could not get swept away by others agendas. I had to take care of me and my own agenda. I had also to take away any thoughts I what life should be at the begining of my sober life. Now some 18 years later ( short of 5 days) I only stub my toes accidentally. I am NOT deep in mud. I am awake, I acknowledge and I accept. I have a grateful life. I am happy. I am joyous and I am free. It would be a lie to tell you that thgis occurs on an every day basis. It does not. But the worst day today is so much better than those days in the mud.
Within days of my birth- was Father's Day June 19th 1960. I was a gift to my father. My brother was a gift to my parents on Mother's Day one year later. Father's Day in the United States is on the third Sunday of June. It celebrates the contribution that fathers and father figures make for their children's lives. Its origins may lie in a memorial service held for a large group of men, many of them fathers, who were killed in a mining accident in Monongah, West Virginia in 1907.
In my years I have celebrated my birthdate on Father';s Day - 7 times, the last being 2002. That was also the last birthday/father's day I would have with my dad. Our last father's day was June 2005. Next year, 2013, Father's Day and my birthday will be again on the same day.
This year, my husband, Rick will be celebrating Father's Day with me. He can truly say, legally that he is a step-father this year. This brings tears to my eyes.
In order to grow, you must forgive, I am blessed with the ability to forgive others for the pain they have caused me. I can forgive family, friends, and past 'love' relationships.In my practice I see many who have not forgiven their parents. Given who my parents were, where they came from, and the forces they were up against in the late 1950 and 1960's, I know they were doing their best they could. I have compassion and understanding for the parents they were. How could I not ? I am their son. I also loved them then and even today. Every circumstance between a child and their parents is different !
I have been fortunate to have one surrogate father. He was born in Black Cats, Virginia. I met him more than 10 years ago. The night after I met him, I was his medical attending in Roosevelt Hospital as banana pudding caused an allergic reaction. We got to know each other for the next 6 weeks as he traveled from hospital to hospital with a new medical condition.
His name is Frederick E Byrd, Sr. He has a rough year, but the coming months are looking splendid. We look forward to his arrival with his wife, Nancy at La Guardia Airport in the next few months. I am a grateful man.
In 18 years of this jounrey I have turned my breathing to transform negative energy into love. I have perfomed rituals of forgiveness thus releasing my resentments. There was a time in a special unit that I wrote in large letters on large colored construction paper my resentments. I then put them in the flames of a burning log. What relief -
I have learned that I can say anything to anybody, good or bad as long as I put these three words after what I say - the three little words are not I love you, but instead Bless their heart. For example, He is such a negative person, bless his heart. Or the Fire Island community has some members with screws loose,--bless their hearts.
See I am smiling ...